What a wild week it’s been. Wild yet rich, deep, and sweet. It’s birthed a lot of things, one of which is an invitation that came from a likely, yet somewhat surprising, place. It has served as a call for me, and I think it’s a good reminder for you.
Let me deal with the obvious first, though. Last week, I revealed my battle with alcoholism, and I’ve been blown away. Sure, there have been some detractors and misunderstandings, but in general I have felt loved and supported.
As I said the day after revealing it, I intentionally released my “confession” while I was on a long road trip to Colorado with my family so I couldn’t stare at the reactions and focus on the feedback, both good and bad. It’s just not healthy. And that was a good decision.
It was especially a good decision because of where I was. See, Colorado is home to a really, REALLY good friend of mine (Tanner) who has been an integral part of my adult life. He now lives in Colorado where he works and pastors, so the goal of the trip was to see him, his family, and his new baby. That meant he was there to encourage me and speak into my life during a really vulnerable time.
And that’s exactly what he did.
In fact, the title of this post (“Further up and further in”) is a line he gave me. It’s a line I can’t believe I have never heard before, especially considering it comes from my favorite author, C.S. Lewis.1
What’s interesting is that I don’t even remember exactly what Tanner and I were talking about when he used the line. But it immediately struck me. So much so that I looked it up and was blown away by its depth and beauty. It comes from the final book of Lewis’s Narnia series, “The Last Battle,” and it’s about heaven:
In the closing chapters the characters arrive at what we would call heaven, and are finding everything is not as it appears. No matter where they look or what they explore the depth and beauty of that place grows beyond comprehension and is without end. There is an eternity of places to see and things to experience. C.S. Lewis uses this to illustrate what it is like to follow Jesus, and of what it will be like to pursue him for eternity.
As I meditated on the line over the last few days, sometimes for hours as I drove from Colorado back to Texas, I was overwhelmed by the simplicity, the complexity, and the compassion of the invitation.
“Further up and further in.” What a beautiful beckoning. It reveals so much about God. No matter how much of him we get to know, there’s always more. There’s always another layer. He never ends. I was listening to John Mark Comer’s new book, “Practicing the Way,” yesterday and he mentioned a scholar who suggested that heaven may just be an eternity of continually discovering God — new revelations and understandings of his love and depth forever. I don’t know if that’s true, but it could be. Or maybe it’s at least part of it. I don’t think that’s far-fetched. But I think Lewis’s line captures that idea. Maybe, just maybe, in eternity we worship God and grow in knowledge and love of him forever. We go “further up and further in” for all of time and we never get bored of it.
Side note: I think it’s interesting that Lewis uses the word “further” instead of “farther.” See, in general, the rule in English is that when you refer to physical distance you should use “farther.” I don’t pretend to be a trained etymologist (a person who studies words), and the “rule” I referred to has some wiggle room when replacing it with “further,” but Lewis was a word buff. I don’t think it’s far-fetched that he may have understood this rule.2 In the way the phrase is used in “The Last Battle,” then, according to the rule the phrase should probably be, “Farther up, and farther in.”
So why might Lewis, someone so cautious, precise, and trained in words, use incorrect phraseology? Because he’s actually not incorrect. Because even though it may seem like he’s referring to distance, he’s not. See, I think Lewis is giving us a hidden clue to what he actually means by using the word “further.” The call to go “further up and further in” isn’t a command to go a physical distance at all, it’s a call for spiritual growth. Spiritual renewal. It’s a command for our souls, not our bodies. It’s an invitation to draw closer to Jesus, not physically but spiritually.
In other words, because the phrase isn’t about our bodies and a physical distance at all, the correct word would be “further,” not “farther.”
I get it, that’s a little wonky. But I think it’s part of the beauty of the phrase, the brilliance of Lewis, and it captures the true longing of our souls.
OK, so why bring all that up?
This morning during my abiding time, I was praying that God would continue to soften my hard edges as well as heal my core hurts and issues. One of those issues is my desire to escape. I mentioned in my confession last week that through my alcohol abuse I chased the white whale of escapism and it drove me mad. That image and analogy comes from suburban mom and former heroin addict Laura Love Hardin, and I love it — enough that I’ll probably use it from here on out.
I prayed that the Holy Spirit would “transform my desire to escape from things into a yearning to escape into” him; to go further up and further in to Jesus.
Friend, in the end our longings to escape aren’t the sin — it’s what we do with those longings. For years I took the longing to escape from the hurt, pain, troubles, and whatever else and numbed it with alcohol. What I never realized is how God had placed that longing to escape in me so that he could woo me to himself. In many ways, we should want to escape this world and the evil and frivolity it offers. But that longing should draw us to Jesus, not to the temporary numbing agents we so often use like food, alcohol, porn, and money.
My longing to escape — like so many other things — is being redeemed and used by a good and loving God. What a realization.
So here’s the question for you: When you feel a longing to escape, do you turn inward to yourself, outward to things, or upward toward Jesus? Only the last option can truly fulfill you.
When you feel a longing to escape, do you turn inward to yourself, outward to things, or upward toward Jesus? Only the last option can truly fulfill you.
That’s the invitation of God: “Come further up and further in.” It isn’t a distance, it is a spiritual dimension. He wants to satisfy you there. It’s where the deepest longings of your soul are met. It’s where you find rest. It’s where you find safety. It’s where you find peace and refuge.
So go. Go further up and further in. Today. This minute. Right now. And be satisfied.
(Pic: As I got to the top of the mountain in Vail, CO, this past week I cried. I was just struck with such awe and beauty. When I look at the mountains I see God, and the invitation knocks on my heart: “Come further up and further in.”)
As you may know by now, I named my son after Lewis.
If anyone knows or suspects differently, by all means correct me.
This particular Lewis quote has always been a bit of a core quote for me – something I remind myself of when the world seems bleak and God seems far away. You've captured my feelings on it exactly, and I love the way you broke down the etymology. Lewis was indeed a word buff. In some of his letters which give writing advice to young protégés, he talks about how important it is to choose the exact and precise word. I'm so sure that his word choice would have been intentional here!
This writing touched some tender places within me. Though I’ve never struggled with drugs or alcohol, the longing to escape has been front and center for me, so much so, that I have had very miserable days, and sadly, have made others endure my misery. On occasion, I may use food or a good movie or music to temporarily ease the pressure. But reading this opened my eyes to my real need and the only satisfying answer…Him. It’s Him. Jesus. Tears fall in realizing this. I think it’s hard to let myself be loved. Scary. Vulnerable. Yet the need of it feels “Do or die”.
Thank you for the forthright encouragement. I needed this today.
🙏🏽Debbie