How did I get sober? I stopped trying to stop drinking.

It made all the difference.

Stop. Start. Stop. Start.

For years that was the cycle I was caught in with my drinking. See, even though I only recently (May 2023) admitted I had a drinking problem, I knew for years previously that my relationship with alcohol was “a little off.” So I’d go through periods of trying to keep it in check. If only to prove to myself and others that I didn’t really have a problem.

But every time I stopped, I’d start again. And every time I stopped I was looking forward to starting again. Counting down the days, hours, minutes. Even though I wasn’t drinking for a period, I was still thinking about drinking. Drinking thinking. Thinking drinking. And when I started back up again, it was like I had never stopped.

That’s not to say there wasn’t any success. I few years back I lost about 70 pounds doing a diet program that required me to limit my alcohol consumption to 2-3 drinks per week for a few months. I did it.

“See, I’m good! I don’t have a problem!”

But I was able to do it by reminding myself that the “promised land” was just on the horizon. I could sacrifice a few months of limited drinking because I knew what was waiting for me after: a land flowing with milk (bourbon) and honey (whiskey).

So what was different the last time? How was I finally able to give drinking up for good? Someone asked me that the other day. “How were you able to get sober after trying for years to curb or stop your drinking?”

The answer is simple. Hard, but simple. Here’s what I told them: “Because I finally stopped trying to stop drinking.”

Wait, what???

Yes, I finally stopped trying to stop drinking.

See, one of the things I’ve learned in the last 16 months is that my sobriety isn’t the goal. It can’t be. Why? Because sobriety and recovery, like anything, can and will disappoint. If I’m looking to them for fulfillment, what happens when they stop being fulfilling? Because honestly, sometimes they’re not that fun! My life when I first quit drinking for good wasn’t all roses and butterflies. Alcohol wasn’t my problem, after all. Alcohol is how I dealt with my problems. So when I stoped drinking I lost my main and familiar coping mechanism, albeit an unhealthy one.

So what did I shoot for instead of sobriety? I aimed for Jesus. I made the goal abiding in and with him. I made the goal letting him—his words, his commands, his ways—permeate every aspect of my life, soul, and being. And in that process, sobriety came naturally became my priorities were rightly and properly aligned.

You know that saying, “Aim for the moon and if you miss you’ll land among the stars”? In some ways it’s the same concept. If I aimed for the stars, I would have burned out in the atmosphere. So I aimed for the moon instead, and I got the moon and the stars.

Today, the freedom I’ve found includes sobriety and recovery, but they’re the result of properly ordering my life around Jesus. They’re the benefit, not the goal! By finding Jesus, I found myself, I found my family, I found sobriety, and I found recovery. And by taking that approach I got the most fulfilled, most abundant, life.

That really cannot make sense to people who aren’t fully following Jesus or aren’t at least interested in following Jesus. I get that. But it’s the truth.

Some people aren’t going to like me saying that. Even some Christian recovery experts have told me to quiet down about that. But I can’t. It’s what I did. And I think it’s the best route.

Can you find sobriety other ways? Of course you can. But because I’m a Christian, my position has to be that you will not find the most abundant and fulfilled life those ways. The most abundant and fulfilled life—and thus the most abundant and fulfilled version of sobriety and recovery—is found in Jesus.

And I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Photo by Frank Tunder on Unsplash