What are you holding back?

I asked God to reveal to me what I was holding back from him, and he told me it was something I thought I was already giving him.

I asked God a dangerous question this morning. And I got a response that I really didn’t want to get.

I’ve been open about my journey this last year, which has involved giving up all sorts of things. You don’t realize how much crud is in your life and holding you back until you have to give it up. That’s not a humble brag, that’s an honest admission. Don’t praise me. Instead, realize how far I’ve had to go.

But I saw something last week that has been convicting me. I wrote a piece about the short video that changed my perspective on God. In it, I included another video — not the one that necessarily made the biggest impact, but one that helped make the point.

It features speaker and author John Bevere, and he says something kind of off-handedly at one point. He mentions that he was getting up at 5am every morning, praying for two hours, and yet his preaching “carried no power.” I don’t know about you, but that’s pretty scary. If the guy who is getting up at the crack of dawn and praying for two hours is preaching with “no power,” what does that mean for me and you?

So he asked God what was holding him back. “God, what is wrong? Why isn’t there a stronger anointing on my life?!”

He got a response: “Because you tolerate sin. Not only in your life, but in the lives of others.”

Dang.

OK, so maybe you think that’s what this post is going to be about. Tolerating sin. Nope. See, that’s what Bevere needed to hear. That’s the issue he was dealing with internally that was having external effects. But each one of us has our own thing that we’re struggling with. Sure, it may be the same as someone else, but just because it can be the same doesn’t mean it IS the same.

Here’s the thing: I’ve felt a little like Bevere lately. I get up by at least 5am every weekday morning. Many times 4:30am. I spend two hours with God. I pray, I journal, I write. That’s the impetus behind this blog. I spend time with God and then tell you what he’s telling me. It’s that simple.

But over the last two weeks, it’s been a little bit of a struggle. The words are still coming, the writing is still happening, but it’s not as “easy” as it was, say, a month ago. I feel just a little off, just a little lacking. Listen, we going to go through ebbs and flows in life, so I haven’t been losing sleep over it. But it has been bugging me.

So that’s what I asked God about this morning.

“Jesus, what am I holding back? Holy Spirit, expose it to me.” Ready for what he said?